Do I Have A Sign On My Back?

I never knew what a cultural icon the movie RV has become, nor did I realize the impact that this one movie has had on people’s psyche. Every time I tell someone that we purchased an RV they ask if I had seen the movie first, as if it were a pre-requisite for RV ownership. The second thing that is striking to me is that everyone that I know is completely surprised that we have done this. No one who knows us can picture me behind the wheel of a 36 foot behemoth, nor can they see me comfortably rubbing elbows with the RV crowd in some out of the way Midwestern campground. I am now convinced that most of our friends fully expect that we will encounter a very similar set of problems as those experienced by actor Robin Williams in the movie and so they are anxiously yearning to keep up with the intimate details our cross country excursion. Initially I was pretty confident about this little endeavor. However I must admit that as our departure time nears; I am beginning to feel like the kid who has been walking around school all day with an “I’m Stupid” sign taped to his back. Is it possible that all of these people know something that I don’t? Now I admit that I am no Indiana Jones but I don’t think that I am the Billy Crystal character in City Slickers either…I mean at least I’m taller than Billy Crystal.

Today however, I have decided that enough is enough. From this day forward I am going to ignore the comical smirks and high fives of those who think that this will be a similarly humorous and ill fated journey and I am going to forget those comments which link our maiden voyage to that of the original Big Rolling Turd in the RV movie. As if by magic, I have a new found resolve and am certain that this will be a tremendously successful trip. When you look at the facts, it is obvious that we are well informed, well prepared, and that this trip be gloriously successful? I have read all the books (at least partially), I am fairly smart (don’t ask my wife), reasonably athletic (not that fat) and most importantly, I am in possession of a tremendous amount of outdoor survival experience, with skills that have been finely honed through numerous car camping excursions with my son’s Cub Scout den. Skeptics beware; the journey begins in less than three weeks.

Fond Memories of Youth

Time is short as our cross country trip is rapidly approaching. So much to do, so little time. If purchasing an RV wasn't enough, I also bought an old jeep...a 1993 wrangler I think...you know, to tow behind the turd. I got a fixer upper, one with character and muscle (can you say cheap?). So along with planning for our expedition, purchasing items essential for our endeavour, I am also trying like hell to make sure this new money pit will be up to the task at hand. It needed a new this...and a new that...I have to replace this...and I have to replace that, when it is all said and done I should have bought new! I am going to file this in the "it must have sounded good at the time" file.

Let me give you a little bit of advise; don't let a romantic notion or a faulty memory fool you. By purchasing this Jeep I convinced myself that I was going to return back to the days of my youth, when as a boy I would work with my dad on his old truck. Now that I have this wonderful old clunker, I realize how little I actually remember about working on old cars and I am not even sure my dad had a truck. Hindsight being what it is, apparently the only meaningful thing that I have ever built with my hands were structures made entirely from beer cans, candy wrappers and playing cards. So much for fond memories.

Hello

Have you ever found yourself watching people? You know, casually observing the habits and actions of others in public? I personally find it very enjoyable, kind of comical really. Like the guy who installs an above ground swimming pool in his back yard, only to try and convince himself that it looks as good as the real thing. People do some really funny stuff, if you just take the time to watch. So I can only imagine those who have observed me over the past 3 months or so. As a 40-something year old male with a wife and a couple of kids, I am firmly rooted in the throws of middle age. The problem is that while others in my position are blowing cash on Little Red Corvettes or Harley Davidson motorcycles, futilely trying to come to grips with their mid-life crisis, I have gone out and purchased the penultimate in retirement fun…the infamous recreational vehicle or RV. So this summer instead of cruising the back roads with the top down or feeling the warm wind in my face as I balance on a new chopper, I will be donning a captains cap like Robert Deniro in Meet the Fockers, avoiding messy fecal fountains like Robin Williams in RV, while traveling the countryside trying to convince myself that it looks as good as the real thing. My wife god bless her, is being a good sport about it all. I know that she is eagerly anticipating this “trip of a lifetime” enthusiastically pondering a future on the open road in a 36 foot rolling tube. You never know how difficult life can be until you try to sell your spouse on the merits of an Oklahoma KOA. This blog is going to be our record of this monumental family vacation. It will be a living document, recording our trials and tribulations…our victories big and small. I know that those who read this blog will think that I stole the title “The Big Rolling Turd” from the previously mentioned movie RV. Actually, it is in honor of my youngest son who you would have to know to understand.